Burden Read online

  “They rely on you. Those cubs today, one mention of going to school to be strong and smart like their Alpha and they were rearing to go. You are so important to them. I can already see that.”

  Another knock.

  “We’d better get that,” I said, and he set me aside, and it was all I could do, not to pout.

  He opened the door in a gruff and revealed a hefty woman in her early forties, with my two little truant buddies from the morning. I also saw the dusky sky behind her and wondered exactly how long I’d slept.

  “Alpha, Coeur, I wanted to thank you for helping me with Evan and Elliot.”

  Hawke bid her entrance, and she was followed by an older teenaged girl carrying what looked like paper bags full of something.

  “Our other daughter, Opal, left the clan for a male in the LaFourche clan. She left everything. She was about your size,” she said in my direction. “We don’t have a lot to give, but Martha said you arrived with little to nothing. We thought you could use the clothes. Some of them still have tags on them. She was spoiled rotten.” She and the other girl proceeded to put bags inside the house just within the doorway. It looked like more clothes than I’d ever owned all put together.

  “Thank you so much. We appreciate your gift. I’m sure Echo will be able to make use of them.”

  I nodded, overcome by their generosity.

  “And Elliot and Evan promise to go to school. We’ve given them the phone number to Martha if they miss the bus.”

  “That’s repayment enough. I hope they realize how blessed they are to be able to go to school.” I blurted out and then was taken aback by the revelation of my mistreatment.

  “Thank you again. We will leave you be.” They scooted out of the door with final waves and the woman bared her neck to us both before Hawke shut the door.

  “The clan adores you already. Word of you catching Evan and Elliot has spread through the clan and they are all grateful for your quick wit and sharp eyes.”

  I plopped back down on the nearest piece of furniture, the arm of the loveseat.

  “Your heart flutters, mate. You don’t have to wear the clothes.”

  Silly man—he thought it was about the clothes.

  “Your clan just gave me two things I’ve never had.”

  “What?”

  “Gifts and acceptance. It’s a lot to process.”

  He nodded curtly, but I could feel a new emotion gurgle in me—in him.

  “Are you angry—is that anger?”

  “No, it’s …it’s something else.”

  “Why?”

  “It’s not important. I have to catch up on work. Are you hungry?”

  “No,” I answered, frustrated by his sudden closed door, “Can I make you something?”

  “No thank you. Let me know if you need anything.”

  And he walked out of the room with heavy steps, leaving me longing for the kiss he placed on my head. It was strange how something I’d never been given could become such a necessity in such a short time. I picked up the clothes, all eight bags of them and dragged them upstairs to my room. They were all washed so I faced the daunting task of putting them all up. I hated putting clothes up. And whatever was wrong with Hawke was gnawing in my chest, raveling my stomach in fits of grief. I had an idea.

  I tiptoed down the stairs to his office and knocked on the door.

  “You don’t have to knock.”

  His voice had an icy edge to it.

  “I’m sorry. Can I have Martha’s number? She said you had it if I ever wanted to talk.”

  He stared at me, with a look I couldn’t describe. It pained me though I didn’t know its exact meaning.

  “Here,” he scribbled it down on a piece of paper and jutted it towards me.

  I thanked him but he’d already returned face down to his desk. Maybe Martha would have some insight.

  She answered on the first ring and was knocking on the door in minutes. Hawke emerged from his office to see who was at the door but then after greeting her, went back into his office, grumbling. I led her to my room where we hung up shirts and dresses.

  “I’ve done something to upset him,” I spouted, breaking the silence.

  “I’m sure you didn’t.”

  “I did. He’s holed up in that office. Two days in and I’ve isolated myself.”

  “First of all, you’re never alone when you’re mated. It just feels that way. Tell me everything leading up to when you felt like he was angry.”

  So I did. I recalled everything in detail and she nodded here and there.

  “Then he said he had work to do and dismissed himself. I’m not good at this, Martha. In my other clan, I barely spoke to anyone else and now I have this amazing man telling me I’m his mate. I’m having trouble just keeping hold of myself. But at the same time his anger or whatever it is just—just…”

  “Consumes you,” She answered.

  “Yes. What do you think?”

  “I don’t want to upset you, but friends tell each other the truth.”

  “I’ve never had a friend,” I admitted.

  “Well, now you do. Here it is. You became emotional and expressed gratitude for the clan giving you gifts and accepting you. But he’s already done that. He accepted you first and gave you a gift of freedom. Not to mention, he’s fed you and opened his home to you. Plus, he’s a male and if you don’t explicitly thank them they get all huffy.”

  We laughed together and finished up hanging the clothes—moving on to folding.

  “Martha, can you tell me about the mate mark?”

  Her eyes grew wide, “I can, but it’s really not my place. I wouldn’t want the Alpha to think I stepped out of place.”

  “Please tell me,” I begged, “Don’t make me pull the Alpha Female card on you.”

  “The Female Alpha card already? Fine, but I won’t give specifics. That’s for your mate to handle.”

  “Ok.”

  “So, there are many steps to a formal mating. The first is the eye contact, the change in heartbeat.”

  “Check,” I marked it off my mental list.

  “The next is the mark. You mark him and he marks you.”

  “Be more specific, Martha. This is mating for dummies over here.”

  “Ok, you have to bite him and then he has to bite you in the same place on your body.”

  She covered her face and her blush. I was obviously treading into intimate territory.

  “Then there’s the claim in front of the clan as bears. When you shift together everyone sees your matching marks and accepts the claim. After that there are the vows, preparation, plus the ceremony, but it all has to be completed before the next new moon after the marking. And the female must make the male a gift.”

  “Make?”

  “Yes, make. ‘It cannot be bought or sold for it has no value to anyone except for your mate.’ That’s what my mom says.”

  That didn’t sound so bad. “So then that’s it. Right? That’s it?”

  “Not exactly. But the rest I’m soooo not telling. The Alpha can explain the rest. “

  We were done folding but I was still restless.

  “Tell me what to do, Martha. He’s pissed—no, I think he’s hurt.”

  She moved to straighten something on my dresser and grab her sweater she’d taken off before, “Let me ask you one thing. Do you accept Hawke as your mate?”

  “Honestly, my brain says no but my heart says yes. I think it’s because I wasn’t raised here. Anyone would be blessed to have Hawke as a mate.”

  She hugged me, “You forgot the most important thing. What does your bear say? Her instinct is the most important. It will never, ever steer you wrong like the jumbled emotions of our human forms.” Pulling back to look at me, she nodded, “That’s what I thought. Go to him. She will guide you in how to ease your mate.”

  I followed her out and as I closed the door, I heard Hawke clear his throat in the recesses of his home.

  It called to me more than
a blaring horn, louder than a gonging bell. I reluctantly answered it not sure if I even knew what to do.

  I walked in without knocking this time and waited for him to address my entrance.

  “Do you need something?” Still frigid but sincere.

  “Yes. I need you to help me please.”

  “With what?” A little less frozen.

  “Me—us—just lay it all out for me. I don’t know anything here and it’s killing me that I have hurt you in some way. I don’t even know what I did,” a cry broke free from my chest. It was my bear, she was so woeful and desperate for the presence of her mate. I hated crying. That’s why for the past years I’d forbid myself from doing it.

  He got up, threw the chair aside and gathered me up in his strong, arms in an instant. “I’m so sorry. I’ve never done this either. All of the sudden I’m ruled by my bear and apparently he gets his feelings hurt very easily when it comes to you. I’m really bad at this.”

  “I am grateful to you for everything. Please don’t think I’m not. And you accepted me first, made me feel like I was a part of this clan before I even touched the grounds.”

  He nuzzled his face into my neck as I’d done earlier, “I know that. That was pure jealousy. And just when I’d gotten over it and was ready to go find you…”

  “I came in and asked for Martha’s number.”

  He nodded against my shoulder. That was it. He’d wanted me to come to him and instead I’d sought the counsel and trust of someone else.

  I shivered at the realization and at the cold air in the house, even in the warmth of his encompassing embrace.

  “You’re not even marked, we’ve had our first fight, and I’ve neglected your most basic needs. You’re freezing and hungry. I suck already.”

  “You do not. Please don’t say that. I think everything just caught up with me. I am cold and I have more questions.”

  He looked shocked as he reared back to look me in the eye, “I thought you talked to Martha.”

  “There were some things she thought were too—intimate to talk about. Plus, we’ve never talked about the basics.”

  “Come on,” he let me go, sliding me down against his massive frame “You need to get warmed up and fed. Then more question and answer. I have lots too.”

  “You do?”

  “Of course, Coeur, I don’t even know how old you are.”

  After we’d eaten, I tucked us both into a heavy quilt, my grandmother’s wedding quilt. She shivered and cuddled in close to me and a satisfied rumble broke in my chest. Something as simple as sharing my warmth with her satisfied me completely. And my bear was pleased as punch to be near her again.

  “So, how old are you?”

  She smiled up at me, “I’m almost twenty-one.”

  “When?”

  “They found me in August, but I’m not sure what day. What about you?”

  “I’m twenty four. My birthday is January the thirtieth.”

  We stayed up until almost midnight talking and discovering the more human things about each other. I could feel her discomfort dissipate the more she learned.

  “Do you want to run? Everyone should be asleep by now.”

  She looked me dead in the eye, “Because I’m not marked yet.”

  “Yes…Martha?”

  “Mmhm, when will we—I mean when will that happen?”

  I couldn’t help myself. I watched her lips as she asked the sexiest question I’d ever heard. All my bear heard was ‘mark me now’—the horn dog.

  “Whenever you make the decision, Echo. I can still feel a pinch of doubt in that beautiful head of yours and I won’t claim you until all of that doubt is gone. It wouldn’t be right. I want all of you, completely and totally submitted to the mate claim. It will be the only time you are forced to submit wholly to me and I wholly to you. There can be no doubt.”

  She tipped her head in understanding, “But we can still run? I’ve never seen another bear like me.”

  “Well, you’re about to—race you there.”

  She laughed and scrambled off the couch but I’d been tangling her in the quilt the entire time we were on the couch, so I knew I’d beat her. I had an ulterior motive. I wanted to be stripped and shifted by the time she came outside. I knew she wouldn’t be ready to face undressing in front of me so early.

  She gasped as she exited the back door and covered her mouth in wonder. She came to me, stroking my fur, tickling my ear between her fingers, holding my head in her hands. “So this is what I look like, only smaller, probably.”

  I huffed in agreement and nudged her with my muzzle, pushing her to shift so we could play.

  “Ok, but turn around. No funny business—yet.”

  I turned and flounced to the ground, covering my eyes with my paws. My bear was anxious to see her, to play with her, roll on the moss in the swamp, nip at her hind quarters, tumble around with my mate.

  Hurry—it called to her.

  I felt her transition inside of me, tingling and bursting excitement, followed by calm. She was beside me in an instant, pushing her nose under my paws. And the word magnificent didn’t begin to cover her majesty. Her body was streamlined, all speed and agility, her ears were tipped with the barest of browns.

  Mate—my bear called to her, not knowing if it was too soon for her to hear me without the claim or mark being completed. And to my disappointment she showed no signs of acknowledgement. But still, we were together and there were so many things I wanted to show her. So, I pushed her gently, she got the clue and followed me into the swamp, stepping gingerly as her paws first touched the sinking ground. She swatted at bullfrogs with her paws and jumped when a gator thrashed in the water beside her. I took joy in seeing her discover everything for the first time—things I’d taken for granted in my own backyard. We ran for tens of miles, finally collapsing together under the moss curtain of a hundred year old Cypress. As she lay down, she whined—pain, she hurts—my animal spoke to me.

  She rolled over and there it was—the sight of her trouble, a lone crawfish clamped onto her fur underneath her neck. I bit it and pulled it from her, relieving her pain.

  We nuzzled and played enjoying the gestures that didn’t translate into human contact until she yawned one too many times for my bear to ignore. And then we fell asleep under that tree, until dawn woke us early the next morning. Running together we approached the house and I smelled River already present in my home. I stepped in front of her and shifted, foregoing the modesty factor for more important matters.

  There was an unmated male in my house, and if she shifted, she would be naked.

  “I’m going inside to get you some clothes. Do not shift until I get back. River is in the house.”

  She nodded and I sprinted for her room, grabbing anything that would suitably cover her form temporarily and then throwing on a pair of shorts to cover myself, as well. I returned to her as quickly as possible, and brought her out to the tool shed, closing her in so she could shift back and change. She knocked on the door and I was satisfied, my mate was covered again.

  Opening the door, she was already blushing. I thought it was because just minutes before she’d been stark naked behind a frail piece of plywood. But I felt a twinge of something else—and then as soon as I recognized the sense, it slammed into me full force—desire.

  “Echo—you are beautiful, both of you. I felt complete out there, just you and me.”

  “I did too.”

  “Why the blush?” I knew why but needed to hear it.

  “You shifted back right in front of me.”

  “Ahhh—I caused that? I have been told I have a nice butt.”

  She swatted at my arm, “Don’t get smug. I’ve just never seen a male, you know, naked.”

  I reached for her hand, “I hope to always make you blush, my heart. Now, one of my Betas is up way too early. Let’s go see what he needs.”

  She squeezed my hand in agreement. Through the house to the office, I found River.

&nb
sp; “You’re up early, Beta.”

  “Yes, Alpha, Chloe woke me up very early with backstabby, gossipy whining about Echo.”

  “What about her?”

  “She says she does not believe she should have to obey a female Alpha who has not been marked. She’s really kicking up a stink. She’s refusing to come to any future meetings. And then Mom threw me out for waking her up at what she called an ungodly hour, talking too loudly on the phone to said annoying beta female.”

  Echo looked at me and nodded, and I took it as permission. The marking would be completed soon.

  “It will be taken care of before she knows it. I don’t know why she’s so damned concerned.”

  “Thank you, Alpha. I’m going home to call Chloe, tell her to shut her big mouth, relieve her of her position and then crawl back into my bed. Y’all have a good sleep.”

  “We will.”

  He left and shut the door behind him.

  “I need a shower, bad. I smell like swamp.”

  I bent to pull her hands up to my mouth, kissing each one, “You smell like a black bear female whose been traipsing through the swamp with her mate. And trust me, nothing about that is bad. But if you must, go take your shower and I’ll take mine next. Are you hungry?”

  “No, but I’m still tired.”

  “So am I. Shower and sleep. Good morning, Echo.”

  She left me to shower and I went to my own bathroom and showered at the same time. It was almost excruciating to know she was a mere twenty feet away, completely stripped and I couldn’t join her. I washed the swamp away and dried off, throwing on a pair of boxers and a pair of shorts and jumped into the bed. I had two more full days with her before I had to return to work. And leaving her wasn’t going to be pretty. Hopefully, she’d agree to the mark before then. Otherwise, I’d be in deep shit.

  I fell asleep with her name on my lips, only to be woken minutes later by a hand stroking my back. I lifted my chest from the bed and turned my head to see Echo, in nothing but a simple undershirt with lace straps and the shortest pair of pajama shorts I’d ever seen.

  “Do you need something? Are you okay?”

  She was undeniably gorgeous. I thought for a second it might be a dream.