Hearten (Bayou Bear Chronicles) Read online

  “What’s your deal?”

  That wasn’t really how I’d meant to approach his attitude. I’d meant to invite him in, butter him up with sugar and caffeine and then waylay him with accusations.

  I didn’t even make it inside.

  This was why I stayed behind a computer and avoided most people, because I was a turd bucket.

  He shifted in my direction with a scowl better suited for the tikes in his class, not his mate. My face must’ve told him such because immediately it softened. “Why don’t we go inside and talk?”

  Wordlessly we went into the house and I offered him a cup of coffee which he declined.

  And then we sat on my couch for an hour in silence.

  “This is your home?” He spat out of nowhere.

  “Yes.”

  It was all I could do not to smart-mouth him.

  No, it’s Hulk Hogan’s house.

  “You bought it yourself?”

  I nodded. “Yes. Hawke and his crew built it for me, but I paid for it.”

  “And you support yourself? Financially?”

  “Yes, of course.”

  He huffed out a breath from his nose and it didn’t sound like anything good. He and his bear pulled away from the connection. I didn’t understand what the hell was going on.

  “And you? Do you work? I’ve never seen you leave the lands except with the Alpha.”

  “I get by.” He shrugged.

  That was specific.

  “What do you do?”

  With a straightened posture and squared off shoulders, he zeroed in on me. At first his expression read care and concern, but then quickly turned to aggravation. “Apparently not enough.”

  “I’m sorry?” My voice hitched on the words. In the clipped conversation, his bear had completely recessed under his human side and was refusing to meet my bear halfway.

  Somewhere between shaking my ass in my dress and buying shoes, I’d lost him.

  Creator above, I pleaded.

  “I heard that.” He looked at me in awe. “That was your bear. I heard her calling to her maker. What a beautiful sound.”

  First he’s pissed and now he’s calling my bear sounds beautiful.

  What in the actual F is going on?

  Most awkward mating ever.

  We were so bad at this.

  I shifted uncomfortably in my chair. “I’m not really one to bullshit around, Rev. If I’ve done something to offend you, which I obviously have, you need to be straight with me.”

  Two hands slicked back the short hairs on either side of his head in a very James Dean move.

  “I just don’t see where I can support you and be the Beta of this clan. My duties demand most of my time and the work I do complete only covers my basic needs. But I will give the Alpha my notice tomorrow.”

  A breath of relief whooshed from my mouth. There was no issue here.

  “Rev, I don’t need you to support me—financially that is. And I wouldn’t want you to stop being Beta just because you think you need to make more money. This is ridiculous.”

  “Me wanting to support my female is ridiculous?”

  Oh boy.

  “There are a hundred ways to support your mate that have nothing to do with money, Rev.”

  “No. It’s settled. I will resign tomorrow and you can stop writing.”

  The fury that could only belong to a female enflamed in my temples and made me stand in place.

  “Now you just wait a damned minute.” A slight panic shook my core as what he was saying infiltrated my psyche. I couldn’t stop writing. Writers just didn’t stop writing. They may take breaks or take vacations but writing and dreaming up characters was like air to me. “You think just because we are mates that I’m going to shut down the career I’ve worked for since I was a teenager, take off my shoes, get knocked up and let my big, bad male give little ole’ me provision?”

  He didn’t deny it. He sat there with a cocked eyebrow that just begged me to reach out and flick it in anger. That’s what he expected—the big, barbaric, man-bear.

  “Get out.”

  I’d never screamed at another person in my life—never.

  Until then—at my mate.

  Tears streamed down my face as he got up and complied without hesitation. My pointer finger was still raised when the door shut behind him and I collapsed back to a sitting position.

  Not only was this the opposite of my fantasies of the mate claim—this was an effing nightmare.

  Between stutters and sobs I did what any sensible girl would do when she was in a crisis.

  I called my bestie.

  Rev

  The Alpha and the Coeur called me in the next morning at the crack of dawn and he didn’t sound happy. Rushing through a shower, I couldn’t think of anything on the brink of going wrong, other than the Grizzly issue and the lands dispute.

  But those things weren’t dire.

  Not that I was even asleep when he called. I was too busy being awake and wrestling with hurricane Martha, inside me. She was so angry and hurt that my head pounded and my chest ached.

  What did she expect, honestly? The Coeur didn’t work outside of the home.

  I’d said nothing short of the truth.

  She’d spoiled that boy the day before. Honestly, who needs more than two pairs of pajamas? I couldn’t even remember having one pair—we’d slept in our skivvies like real men.

  And the total—I couldn’t get the number out of my mind. She spent more on that rug rat than I made in a month.

  Thumping my forehead against the tiles, the shame of how I’d mistreated my mate wasn’t dulled a bit by the cold pain.

  I wondered how many matings had been ruined by that tiny thing that plagues us all. That big word that encompasses all we want and all we think we need in a partner—in a mate. It can be crushed in a moment—especially if you weren’t honest about it, like I wasn’t.

  Expectation was a real bastard.

  Dressing quickly, I made my way to the home of the Alpha but as I opened the door, all I smelled was her—the rain and the comfort of her.

  Damn it. I wasn’t ready to face her or what I’d said yet.

  Hell, I didn’t even know how I was going to make this better.

  I entered the office and it felt like an intervention. Martha was on one side of the room facing the desk and the Alpha was leaned against the windowsill. The Coeur was in Hakwe’s usual chair, and as soon as I came into the room, her conversation with Martha instantly halted.

  “Alpha, Coeur,” I bared my neck and took a seat when gestured to do so by Hawke.

  Martha looked worn and tired. Our bears seemed to have a barrier between them that couldn’t be reached.

  I’d ruined everything.

  “Rev,” the Alpha began. His tone was formal and powerful. “I don’t usually get involved with the matings of others, but when it begins to encroach on my own mate—I become involved.

  I loved and respected the Alpha—but his first cue was right—he should mind his own business.

  “With all due respect, Alpha—how are you involved?”

  “Well, it just so happens that your mate is my mate’s friend, and when Martha is upset, my mate, rightfully, goes to console her.”

  My face must’ve betrayed me—I still didn’t understand what that had to do with him.

  “You see, when the Coeur goes and stays with your mate all night, my bed gets cold.”

  “Hawke!” Echo slapped his arm while a furious blush covered her face.

  “Mate, in your condition, I want you as close as possible.”

  Martha sat up in her chair, “Alpha, I apologize. I shouldn’t have called her.”

  “No, there’s where you’re wrong, Martha. You did the right thing, but you two have to work whatever this is out. So, I have a proposition. I needed someone to go spend some time with the wolves again. They’ve spotted some grizzlies up there, and I need to know who they are and what they’re up to. I was going to se
nd Tarrow, but he’s not ready for that kind of responsibility. So I’m sending you.”

  He directed the command to me and I couldn’t, for the life of me, figure out how it was going to fix whatever had gone on between me and my mate.

  “I understand.”

  He nodded, “And Martha is going with you. You two will, in the future, be Echo’s and my second in command. I need you two to be solid. Plus, Echo begged me to fix it if I could and this is the only way I know how.”

  The Coeur laughed at his pseudo-joke and grabbed his hand.

  “When do we leave?” Martha asked agnostically. Actually, she ground the question through a clenched jaw.

  “Tomorrow morning. The wolf Alpha, Schuylar, has agreed to give you your own secluded accommodations in exchange for getting the grizzlies off our hands.”

  “Don’t you think it’s dangerous to bring a female with me to scope out those savage creatures?”

  A raised eyebrow highlighted the Alpha’s face, “I trust you can protect your mate.”

  “I can.”

  This whole thing was a ruse. Hawke calling me in and sending me off with Martha was the ruse part—the real reason for the trip, I would have to reveal to Martha in private. The Alpha had secret plans that involved the wolves, but it had nothing to do with grizzlies. In fact, the wolves and our clan had an alliance of sorts since they were the reason he found his mate in the first place.

  Martha didn’t seem so sure about my ability to protect her.

  Challenge accepted.

  We were dismissed shortly afterwards and when we were outside, we finally faced each other.

  Damn, she was beautiful even in her anger.

  “We should get an early start. I will come pick you up at five in the morning.”

  She shrugged, “Or we could take my car.”

  “Oh, so now my car is not good enough for you.”

  She lifted up on her tip-toes and got in my face. “You don’t even own a car, asshole.” She had a tiny scar above her right eyebrow. I needed to know how she got that scar.

  She also had a point—I didn’t own a car.

  “Fine. We’ll take your car. Anything else you demand?”

  She didn’t back down. As much as I’d always thought females to be the submissive sort—her not backing down was awfully tempting.

  “As a matter of fact, could you wear some shoes for once?”

  I looked down at my offending naked feet and she stomped away.

  She won.

  And I didn’t mind.

  I blew out a frustrated breath and took a pot shot at one of Hawke’s cedar beams.

  “Hey, don’t take it out on my house.” It was the Coeur. She and I had become friends of a sort since I’d become one of the Betas. “She’s just as frustrated as you.”

  Echo once told me that if we weren’t in meetings or a formal affair, I should address her by Echo and speak to her as I could a friend—that was a little difficult for me. But in this instance, I felt like she was a friend, trying to help me.

  “I can’t imagine that, Echo.”

  She smiled and clapped me on the back, “You called me Echo. That’s good. You know, it wasn’t always easy for Hawke and me. We had our share of differences in the beginning—still do. Men and women have these ideas about how things will be and it blinds them.”

  “Blinds them?”

  “Yeah.” She pointed to the swing nearby. “Come sit.”

  I sat next to her. Hawke stuck his head out of the door, but an understanding passed between them and with a wink to his mate, he went back inside.

  “I was given the best piece of advice during that first rough patch.”

  “What was it?”

  “Well, it wasn’t as concise as I am about to tell you, but basically she said ‘let go and let your bear.’”

  “Your mom is a wise woman.”

  She giggled, “No, Rev. Your mate is a wise woman. It was Martha who gave me that piece of advice. Too bad she won’t live by it herself. You two need to get over yourselves and let your bears do the relationship building. Our human sides are such divas.”

  “I am not a diva.” I pushed out my chest in proof.

  “Whatever. But I wouldn’t leave her alone tonight. We run as a pack and she is yet unmarked.”

  “Thank you Coeur.”

  She flipped her long hair over her shoulder and got up. “Ugh-oh, formal Rev is back. That’s my cue.”

  “Does she hate me,” I asked more desperate than I knew possible.

  “Quite the opposite.”

  “It would be better for her.”

  She giggled, “Well, I know someone who thinks differently.”

  And then she pointed towards the sky.

  “Really?”

  That’s how my mate greeted me when I knocked on her door later that night.

  She was still cute as hell, her black hair all disheveled.

  “Yes, really. They are about to run. I don’t want you unprotected.”

  “Okay. Thank you.” She looked like she may have forgotten all about the pack run. Her dress curtained around her legs as she sat and pulled her laptop into her lap.

  “I can just go outside. I don’t want to disturb you.”

  She closed her computer. “You’re my mate. You’re not disturbing me.”

  I chuckled, “Even mates can be a pain in the ass when they’re letting their human side dictate their actions.”

  “Echo has a big mouth.”

  “She was trying to help, and I think she—or you—have a good point. Maybe we should start over.”

  I needed to start over with her. If I could go back to that night, I would. Just be who we were at our cores, letting our bears take over and do what they did best.

  Love their mates.

  Without all the foolishness.

  “Can we?”

  My eyes closed at her question, and for the first time in a while, I reached out to my bear and allowed him to freely guide my actions and my words—most of them.

  “Yes, love. We can. I want to spend the night getting to know you. Forget the little things—just be my mate. Tell me about your writing. What do you write?”

  When I opened my eyes again, she was biting down hard on her bottom lip and I followed every motion. My inner animal was doing work of his own, coaxing his counterpart by sending comforting vibes her way.

  Our bears were straight up hippies.

  It must’ve been working because my mate now had her hand extended out to me. “Come see. It’s easier to show you.”

  “You’re a writer and it’s easier to show me?”

  She shrugged, “Well, I could type it, but I suppose that’s why I’m a writer—most of what I say aloud is awkward and inappropriate. I offend people I don’t mean to, and am inadvertently nice to those I should despise. I’m kind of a hot mess, which is why Echo is my only friend. However, when I type the words out—they all make sense.”

  At the top of the stairs, we reached her office. The smells of the pages reached my nose. It was then I realized that secondary smell my mate carried.

  Underneath the rain droplets and the storm—my mate smelled like books.

  Like the finest library.

  A wall of coffee cups displayed on shelves took up a huge space. Two of the other walls were lined in books. Her face was content as she swiped her hands over them, caressing each spine.

  “Which are yours?”

  “Only these,” she ran her finger along the spines of a set at eyes’ level. “Are not mine.”

  The numbers of books numbered more than all the books I’d read in a lifetime. A blush covered her face as her mind’s opinion of showing me her books changed from pride to a shade of embarrassment.

  “This is amazing, love. Tell me, which one is your favorite?”

  “The one I’m working on now. But you can’t read it yet. Do you really want to read one?”

  “Of course I do. Pick one. I will get started tonight
while you work.”

  Fury lit her veins as she turned on me. “You mean read my book while I’m right here? Are you nuts?” Her hand snaked out and held onto the bookcase as she composed herself. I didn’t understand what the problem was. The night before she’d seemed surprised and somewhat eager to read her work and now she was completely manic.

  “What I mean is… you can’t read it right here in front of me. It would be like open heart surgery while I’m still awake.”

  Her drama needed to come down about—all notches. And I was just the one to make that happen. I crept over to where she was standing, caught up in her own version of a tizzy fit. Using my hips to push and my arms to direct, I flattened her against the wall and did what I’d been meaning to do all this time—I let my bear take over and take care of his female—our dainty and well put-together on the outside, wackadoo when she’s alone with me inside, female. While taking in her scent, I whisper trailed my slightly open mouth against the line of her jaw until I reached her earlobe. By her shudder, I knew it was a place that, in the future, I should pay very close attention to.

  “Well, I’m not leaving you tonight until the run is over. There are too many young bears out there with wandering eyes. I don’t watch that TV crap. So, I’m going to sit here on this chair and read your book and you’re gonna work. I guarantee you won’t be in pain. In fact, you may, and call me crazy on this one, but for once, you might just find my presence, oh, I don’t know—comforting!”

  I made sure my hot breath made it onto that sensitive part of her neck as I spoke words that I prayed she would heed for once.

  She sucked both of her lips into her mouth to quell whatever smart retort she had in mind. Sarcasm wasn’t an emotion, but I could just feel the smartassery welling up in her. It was dying to get out.

  “Okay.”

  Damn, that worked.

  “Good, now would you like coffee? Can I get you anything else before I settle in?”

  Her eyes were still huge.

  “Coffee?”

  A tight nod gave me the reply I needed. Downstairs, I made her coffee, paying attention to mimic, as closely as I could, the cream and sugar routine from the other night.

  By the time I got back to her office, she was typing like there was fire on her heels. Placing her coffee next to her, close enough to reach, but far enough away as not to spill onto the keyboard, I took the time to kiss her temple, well aware that it was the first time I’d attempted such a thing.