Down 'N' Derby Page 17

  “Come on, let’s go home.”

  “Don’t you want to stay, the view is beautiful.”

  “This is just lights and a city Storey. There’s no view in the world that’s more beautiful than you asleep next to me.” She blushed and nodded. We crept into the Jeep, scared to disturb any of the other people around us.

  I drove this time. She looked out of the passenger’s side window and halfway home I took her hand in mine and asked her what was wrong.

  “Nothing, I was just thinking. When were you going to leave California?”

  I shrugged, “I don’t know, probably the middle of July. I want to get an apartment now, unless Falcon still has his, then I’m sure he will just let me live there. I need to see if Nellie will let me work at the bookstore, either that or I can keep working at the restaurant. Why? When are you leaving?”

  She cleared her throat, her way of letting me know she was unsure of whatever she would say next. “Well, I had planned to leave at the end of July, but now I think, if you’re leaving in the middle of July, maybe I’ll just leave at the same time as you.”

  “I think that’s the best idea I’ve ever heard. Everyone is excited to meet you. And I’d like to spend some time with you at home before we start school.”

  “And I want to meet these derby sister in laws of yours. What’s their derby names?”

  I smiled at her and answered proudly, “Nellie is Hellie Nellie and Reed is Serial Keela. I’ll have to explain that later. So what’s yours?”

  “American Horror Storey, cause I’m so tough and scary!”

  “Yeah, that must be it,” I smarted back. She was so the opposite of scary.

  We got home and both fell into bed, no showers. We both brushed our teeth but that was as much as I could stand. That day had been taxing and I needed my rest to face tomorrow.

  The alarm was on vibrate but I was awake anyway. I crawled out from underneath the morning beastie that was Storey. Somehow she always managed to wrap herself around me. It reminded me of a kid hugging one of those huge teddy bears at the fair. And I loved every second of it. I would happily wrangle myself out of her hold every morning because it meant she’d held onto me all night.

  I got dressed without turning the lights on. I didn’t want to argue with her over this. I needed to do this on my own. I got to the diner I’d agreed to meet Rex at a little early, but he was already there, keeping a cup of coffee company.

  I walked in and sat opposite him in the booth, ready to get this conversation over with. He looked at me, opened his mouth and shut it again.

  “I know it’s a lot more than PTSD or whatever else you’re gonna try to convince me of. I want to help you if I can. Just—just tell me the damned truth.”

  He nodded and began, “He’s schizophrenic. According to his medical files, which are enough to fill a warehouse, he was officially diagnosed at fourteen. He took his medication when he was younger and it helped. He married my mother when he was twenty five, I think. By the time he hit thirty, when she was pregnant with me, he stopped taking his medication regularly. He claimed it wasn’t even working. My mom kept a journal after he stopped taking the medicine. Almost immediately he started having trouble with everyday things. He would forget to bathe or even wipe his mouth as he ate. She wrote that he would constantly complain the neighbor’s music was too loud but there was no music. After a few months he started disappearing at night, sometimes for days at a time. She tried to have him committed but then she would pity him and take him home. She found receipts for bars and strip joints, things like that. That’s when she knew he was cheating. She stayed with him all that time until she died a couple of years ago. He cheated on her, wouldn’t take his medicine, but she stood by him.”

  This guy had been through Hell. You could see it in his face as he detailed the man who was supposed to be his Dad, like Chase was to me.

  “What about now? Does he just stay by himself?”

  Rex shrugged and the waitress came to refresh his coffee. She offered me some too but I was too rattled to do anything but listen.

  “Now I work part time and we live on his disability checks and my part time work to get by. His meds are free but sometimes when I’m gone to work he flushes them. I can’t afford someone to stay with him or a care facility so I just pray he’s still there everyday when I get home.”

  Jesus, he was almost as young as I was with no help and no hope.

  “You said there’s other kids of his. What about them?”

  He laughed a humorless huff and shook his shoulders, “They come around, find out who is he and that he doesn’t have any money to give them and then they bail.”

  I made up my mind right at that very booth that I wouldn’t be like the others. “Well, I want to help. I will help as much as I can while I’m here and then I can send you money or whatever when I go home. I’m not gonna let you do this by yourself anymore.”

  He smirked at me; maybe he’d heard this line before. So I reached into my wallet to prove it to him. I retrieved ten hundred dollar bills and passed them across the table. His eyes widened. “You’re serious.” It was an accusation and a question rolled into one.

  “Yeah, I am. And I need to know one more thing.”

  “Name it,” he quipped back.

  “I need to know the truth here. Is it genetic? Is there a chance you and I are gonna be like him?”

  He shook his head ‘No’ and answered me, “There’s a chance but if we were it would already be symptoms. Like I said he was diagnosed at fourteen. We would already know if we had it.”

  I blew out a breath I didn’t know I’d been holding and felt the weight of it lifted from me, some of the weight. There was still a small part of me which needed concrete evidence that I would never be like him. And the guy in front of me looked as if the same amount of weight had been taken from him as well.

  We ate together at the table, my new half brother and me. He had aspirations and goals that had seemed unattainable until my offer. And at least I could help him with that. I got several text messages while we were eating and I knew what they were. They were from a pretty pissed pin-up girl since I left her this morning.

  “Do you need to get that,” Rex nodded towards the phone.

  “Nah, I’m about to go home anyway.” I paid for the meal and we walked out into the parking lot. I reached out my hand to shake his and was surprised when he grabbed me in for an embrace. No twitches, no bugs, just a hug from a new friend.

  “Thanks a lot Maddox” He said and then high tailed it to his car.

  I got in the Rover and stopped to get one of everything from a pastry shop and a coffee to go. I had some making up to do. When I got back I opened the apartment door slowly, waiting for the Hellcat to attack. A slipper whizzed past my head and I looked to its place of origin—her bedroom. Another one came at me and hit me in the arm, more like caressed me gently. The girl did not have a throwing arm. And I wouldn’t dare tell her that her little sprite self angry was one of the sexiest things I’d even been witness to.

  “You snuck out of here all sly like so I couldn’t go. You suck.”

  I snorted, which made her step into the doorway, hands on glorious hips and stare me down, and not in the good way.

  “I’m sorry. I had to do that by myself. You’re just gonna have to forgive me.”

  She poked her head out again. “What’s in the bag?”

  I held in a laugh. My girl loved to eat. I’d scored big time by stopping to get her sugar and coffee.

  “There’s chocolate croissants, blueberry bagels, cream cheese danishes, cinnamon rolls…”

  Before I could finish she’d grabbed the bag from my hand, not without the stink eye, and snatched the coffee too. She sat at the table and dug in. I rolled my eyes and went for a shower. After I got out she was sitting on the sink. I was covered by a towel but she still startled me.

  “I’m sorry. I just wanted to be there for you and then I woke up and you were gone. I’m r
eally sorry. I acted like a brat. Tell me what Rex said.”

  “It’s terrible Storey. He works part-time because he can’t leave his Dad alone but at the same time he can’t afford someone to stay with him or a place for him to go. But I’m gonna help him—send him money so he can get a full time job or go to school. Whatever he wants to do.”

  “Most people would just go home, mind their own business.”

  I settled myself in front of her, perched on the sink. I pulled her close to me, “It’s just the right thing to do, sweetheart.”

  “You always do the right thing,” she asked.

  “No, but I try to. And from now until the middle of July, the right thing to do is spending time with the girl I love.”

  She ran her fingers down my chest and over my abs. Everytime she touched me it was like the first time. “Sounds good to me.”

  The rest of the summer we spent together, getting to know each other better, planning a life back home. Rex found a nurse who could stay with Einer while he was at work but she couldn’t start until July tenth, so I tried to stay with him just to give Rex a break. Einer seemed to get worse every time I saw him. He tried to leave the apartment once on my watch but I caught him. I tried to take him out for walks but it seemed like we couldn’t even get through one of those without trouble finding us anymore.

  Storey and I went on a trip to Catalina Island, one last chance to spend some time together before heading home. She’d been packing for weeks. And with all of the clothes and shoes that girl had, we would need to rent a U-Haul. On our way home from the trip, I called Rex but there was no answer. I thought maybe he was busy with Einer, so I decided to call back later. We settled in for the night on her mattress and box springs stacked on the floor. All of her things were packed in boxes in the living room and we would leave in a week. I was ready. I was ready to start this new life with her.

  The phone woke me up and it was Rex’s number on the Caller ID. I answered and for a minute he didn’t speak.

  “Rex, what’s wrong?”

  “He’s gone Maddox.” His voice was barely a whisper.

  “Who’s gone, Einer? Where’d he go? I’m coming. We’ll find him.”

  “Maddox, Jesus—he’s dead. I went to the grocery store. When I came back he’d left the apartment and ran right into traffic. It happened on Saturday night. They took him to the hospital but he was bleeding internally. He died this morning. I was gonna tell you tomorrow morning but then the guilt was eating at me. I had to call and tell you. I’m sorry.”

  By the time he finished talking I was out of bed, dressed and wiggling my shoes on. Storey was up too and already done dressing, ready to go.

  “I’m on my way,” I said and then hung up. Neither of us spoke on the way and I really didn’t know why I compelled to go over there.

  Chapter 35

  Storey

  If I had to break through his walls over and over, starting from the top and working my way down just to have him construct them again; it would be work worth doing.

  I went with him to Einer and Rex’s apartment. He didn’t speak the entire way. I couldn’t figure out if he was upset because it was his father or because he felt guilty since we were away when it happened. But what I did know—he was beating the hell out of himself for it.

  “Mad, I…” He just shook his head ‘no’ at me. I would have to wait him out until he was ready to talk. We got there about one in the morning. He drilled Rex over and over again about the details of what happened. Rex finally threw his hands in the air and told Mad there was nothing else he could say. I sat on the dingy couch beside him and put my hand on his back. He moved away and shrugged my hand off of him. I nodded to myself and walked outside for some air.

  For a moment, a split second rather, I questioned this whole situation. I’d only known him for a month. Was I really willing to invest this much, emotionally into something so new? He was everything I promised I’d look for after Simon—Simon’s opposite. He defended women, opened doors, made sure I was warm, and kept me safe, even from his own father, even from himself. And that’s what he was doing here. He was keeping me safe from his inner turmoil. But he couldn’t hide from me anymore.

  After letting the ocean air cool me down and clear my head, I went back inside. I sat on a chair in the corner and hugged my knees to my chest. I would wait him out. About an hour later he opened the door to the apartment and nodded his head at me. I followed him but I couldn’t deny the twinge of resentment I felt. After everything we’d been through in such a short span of time—how dare he shut me out.

  When we got back, he resumed his couch sitting, this time on my couch. I sat next to him and he moved to the chair—second time. I let out all my aggravation in one breath. This went on for three days before I gave up. He and Rex had their father cremated. But there was no other family or friends, so a memorial service wasn’t held. He left to go see Einer before the cremation, or what was left of him and didn’t even ask me to go. I promised myself I would try one more time to reach him and then I was calling in reinforcements. Then I changed my mind. I wouldn’t let it go that far. He obviously needed something that I couldn’t give him. I got his phone from the dresser. He left it on purpose so I couldn’t call him—another way to cut me off. I dialed Falcon. I didn’t really know what to say but from what Mad had told me of him, he would know what to do without me asking.

  “Hey Mad, how’s it goin’?”

  “Falcon, it’s Storey. I’m Mad’s…”

  “Yeah, of course, we all know who you are Storey. He talks about you non-stop.”

  “Oh, ok, well that’s kinda ironic since he’s barely speaking to me. Did he tell you Einer died?”

  Someone picked up on another line and I heard a female voice say, “Hello?”

  “Hi Reed.” I’d only talked to her twice but knew her mouse-like voice.

  “Storey, is he ok?” Jeez, this woman knows him better than I do.

  “Not really, actually. Einer was killed in a car accident over the weekend. He’s gone back to not touching anyone and he won’t talk to me. I’ve tried several times and I just don’t think I’m enough to help him this time.”

  Reed gasped over the phone, “So he got over it. He didn’t flinch when he touched you. I knew it! But shit, he’s back to it now.”

  Falcon had stayed quiet on his end and then muttered one sentence, commanding and gentle at once. “Storey, text me your address. Reed and I are gonna pack some bags and then we’ll be on a plane. We’ll call you when we get there.”

  I got off of the phone feeling relieved. This was his family, they could help him. And then a rush of nausea flowed over me. It was an unwelcomed blast from my past, the feeling of not being enough, never being enough for Simon. I could never keep his attention, never could keep him from straying. The only thing I had left to pack up was my kitchen and so I dove into that task head first, needing something to take out my hurt on.

  A few hours and ten boxes later, I was done and filthy. I slumped into the bathtub and hard as I fought against them, tears pummeled through my eyelids, needing to break free. I shaved and washed my hair all with rivers trailing down my cheeks. The sound of the door startled me and I knew he was home. I wanted to call out to him, but there was no point.

  A knock at the bathroom door caused me to sit up, splashing my precious hot water over the edges and onto the floor

  “Come in,” I said, knowing it was Mad.

  He came in, eyes squeezed to tightly shut. “Mad, I’m mostly covered, you’re gonna hurt yourself.”

  He opened his eyes but never looked at me, he barely looked in the direction of the bathtub. He knelt next to the bathtub and knocked his forehead on the edge of it. As he began to speak, he kept his head there.

  “Storey, I’m so sorry. I cut myself off from you. I pushed you away. Instead of letting you in, I alienated you.”

  I pulled my knees in so all my parts would be covered.

  “Mad, look at me
, all the important parts are covered.”

  He slowly lifted his head, making sure of my modesty before opening his eyes all the way. I rested my left cheek on my knees, waiting for him to continue.

  “I just felt alone again, isolated. But then I really looked at Rex, really looked at his life. I’ve been so stupid. I’m not isolated, or alone at all. And if I am, it’s my own fault. Rex has no one. Well, he does now. I asked him and he said he wanted to come back to Louisiana with me.”

  “I knew you would. I had faith in you.”

  He half smiled and looked me directly in the eyes. His green one was darker today and his brown one was verging on black.

  “Well, that makes one of us. So, can you forgive me?”

  I didn’t want this to become the way we handled things in the future. I couldn’t take him pushing me away every time something happened. If we were gonna clear that up, it would have to be now.

  “I will always forgive you Mad. But you can’t do that to me again. Next time something happens run to me. Let me help you. And even if I can’t help you, at least let me hold your hand while you fix it. Agree to that or else we’re over.”

  That got his attention, he sat up and looked shocked. But shock was what I needed. I wouldn’t go through this again.

  “I won’t. I missed you so much and I knew I was hurting you but I was trapped in a cell I made myself. You won’t be able to get rid of me anymore.”

  “Ok. Now I need to finish up and put some clothes on.”

  “That’s my cue.” He opened the bathroom door again and stopped before closing the door behind him all the way, “Storey, sweetheart, would you mind hurrying up?”

  My eyebrows furrowed, “Why?”

  He looked down, ashamed and flexing his fingers like they hurt, “Because I’ve been a complete bastard for three or four days now. And when I realized it this morning, my whole body reminded me of how much I miss you. How I miss your hair curled around my fingers, the feel of your tiny hands on my stomach, the way mine mold to your hips, your lips that taste like vanilla. Honey, I ache for you. I deserve for you to torture me for a long time but I just can’t take much more.”