Engraven Page 13

  It was already in mine.

  After all, I was trained to think that way—defense before offense when it came to all things organized—religion, clans, sports—it was all guilty before proven innocent.

  “Is there anything I can say to make you feel better?” He asks as I sat on the couch while he raccooned through a basket of laundry and pulled on a shirt.

  “I don’t know how he’s going to react. You know how he is. I didn’t even know we were having money issues.”

  “I’m sure they were trying to protect you.”

  “I’m a little old to be protected. I could’ve helped. I could’ve worked more.”

  “I’m sorry. I can’t imagine how hard this is for you. I didn’t help tonight. I can’t apologize enough. The bond—I can’t explain it. It feels like the first day—I’m still so unsure and everything is in the air. Other mated couples would’ve been planning their mating ceremony. I can’t even get you to call me. Shit. I’m sorry. I’m screwing this all up. No wonder you’re so hesitant.”

  “I’m not hesitant about you. I’m hesitant about life. Everything is in the air.”

  The couch depressed next to me. His closeness made me calmer, even without touch.

  “Tell me everything that’s in the air and we’ll figure it out one by one. Come on. I’m good at this. I’m good at fixing problems.”

  “I still don’t have a job.”

  “You have a mate who loves you and wants to support you until you find a job. I would never let you go without something you need.” He put his palms out, preempting my rebuttal. “I’ve saved most of my life. I’ve invested well. People think I’m just wasting time, but I’ve got a ton saved. You just have to let me support you.”

  “Let’s say I do. That only eliminates one thing.”

  He scooted closer.

  “Give me the next one.”

  “My family is apparently broke. My Dad is sick and we don’t have a home.”

  “That’s three in one.”

  My eyes gave him all the sarcasm he deserved.

  “I know it’s not ideal, but the offer stands. This home is yours as much as it is mine. There’s plenty of room. My mom needs the company. Your mom could use the help. The girls could either continue homeschooling or go to school with the other kids. Our house is paid for. As for your dad, that’s one thing I can’t fix.”

  “No one can.”

  “Anything else I can help with?”

  Slumping over to rest my head on his chest, I let out a night’s worth of worry in one slow exhale. “Can you fix me? I suck at this mating thing.”

  My tears began and for the life of me, I couldn’t make them stop.

  “All you have to do is give in. Stop fighting it. If you want it to happen, then all you have to do is let it. I was on my way back, you know. I didn’t get far before I made myself turn around. It’s impossible to stay away from you.”

  Burying my face in his clean-smelling shirt, I nodded. “I want it—I think I need it. I need you in my life.”

  “That’s the best thing I’ve heard all night. Hell, it might be the best thing I’ve heard ever.”

  “I think it’s the best thing I’ve ever said.”

  “Look at me, Dahlia.”

  It took me a few second, but when I looked at him, everything was okay again.

  “This.” He pointed between his chest and mine. “Needs to be the concrete in our lives from now on. Everything can be crumbling around us, but we should always be able to count on this first. Can you let me be that solid in your life?”

  “Yes.”

  A broad smile came to his face. “Good. Now I solved everything.”

  Smug. The boy was as smug as they come.

  “Except a place for us to—you know, the mark.”

  “Oh, I’ve solved that mystery too. You just don’t know it yet.”

  “Then I’m not telling you where the mark will go.”

  Crossing my arms I waited for him to give in—but after a few minutes of dead space, I knew he wouldn’t.

  A lot can be told about a person by their ability to keep secrets.

  “You’re too far away.” He whispered and my body beckoned his call.

  His mom came in later and I felt his turmoil about the situation. He wanted to take care of his mother, but at the same time, he craved time with me.

  He was honorable in both desires.

  “I should probably get home. My mom has a hard time juggling everything. I think my dad did more than I thought around the house.”

  “I’ll take you.”

  “Your mom will be talking to your dad in the next few days about moving here. I want you to know that there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you as my son’s mate and that includes your family. I realize there’s some history with them and clans, but I think we convinced them that the times of Matthias are truly over.”

  “Thank you. I can’t thank you enough.” I got up and was received by Tarrow’s mother as warmly as I would’ve been my own mother. My mate beamed at the sight. I didn’t have to look at him to know.

  “Be good to him. Sometimes the rest of the world isn’t.” The woman, who shared Tarrow’s warm eyes and sincere smile whispered in my ear.

  “I will.”

  “I’ll take you home. Then I have security tonight. Again.”

  “Thanks.”

  He held my hand all the way to the car and then after opening my door for me, slipped into the driver’s seat and took it again.

  “You know, I don’t want to bring you home. I feel like every time I make a step with us, I have to let you go again.”

  There was no answer I could give him that would soothe his heart. But I promised myself that I would make him my priority just like he had made me his.

  Before getting out of the car, we shared a kiss. It felt like hello and goodbye all wrapped in one.

  “I hope whatever place you have for tomorrow night—I hope we can stay the night. I want to sleep in your arms.”

  I almost choked on the words.

  “Another thing I can handle.” His palm was warm on my face. My bear took the shiver that wracked my spine to another level, sending me visions of the things to come.

  “Sometimes I think I’m too much for anyone to handle.”

  “The Creator’s plan won’t be refuted, Dahlia. I’m the self-doubting mess you can handle and He made you a crazy mess just for me.”

  “I’ll put that to the test. Just give me a minute.”

  The last of my words had barely left my mouth before his was loving me again. Ever warm, gentle and undeniably strong at once, his kiss transported me to a place where he and I weren’t in the world at all. There were no issues. There were no jobs or money or sick parents.

  There was just me and him.

  He tugged on my waist and pulled me closer. I reached out, hungering for closeness to the male I’d waited for all of my life but never knew could be this perfectly imperfect for me. My fingers found his abs and he sucked in a breath, separating us.

  “Save it for tomorrow. I want you to touch me when we are alone. When I am free to give you all of my attention.”

  I reeled back and squinted. “I don’t have it now?”

  He chuckled and behind the dashboard, pointed to the house.

  We had an audience—again.

  I tapped him gently on the nose. “Better be somewhere very, very private. Far, far, away.”

  “Trust me. I know.”

  I got out of the car and went inside. My mom was sleeping on the couch and I covered her with a blanket before heading upstairs.

  “Talk to me.” Acacia whispered from the bed next to mine. Second to Tarrow, she knew my moods and facial expressions better than anyone.

  “There’s a lot going on.”

  “I can’t help if I don’t know what’s going on. Just because you’re the oldest doesn’t mean I’m a child.”

  I slumped onto the side of her bed while her back was stil
l turned to me. “I think we are moving into Tarrow’s house.”

  She turned around to face me.

  “I saw a notice from the mortgage last month. I asked mom about it but she said she’d taken care of it.”

  “She didn’t want to worry you. I think Dad needs more help than he’s willing to concede. He’s going to need more care. There’s going to be doctor’s visits and medical bills.”

  “He must have a big house.”

  “He does. We are going to find somewhere else to live. Somewhere close.”

  “I don’t want to go, Lia. Dad and Mom built this house. This is our home.”

  This would be the only time Acacia showed her true soul about the issue. From then on, she’d put on the smile, fake the laugh as long as it took until it was real.

  I was the oldest, but she was the example for the other sisters.

  “I know. But what can we do? At least we have a place to go.”

  “I hate the silver lining. Just lay with me in the cloud.”

  “Okay. Life sucks. Leaving home blows. And Dad being sick is hell. Better?”

  “Yeah. Lay with me.”

  Since we were kids, Acacia and I slept in the same bed when things got rough. I’d sung her toddler lullabies like I was her mother when she was a baby, but now she was my best friend.

  “Let me brush my teeth.”

  She laughed and scooted over, making room for me. “Smells like a good idea.”

  “Shut up.”

  I brushed my teeth and climbed into bed with her. She’d already fallen back asleep, but I’d promised. Before I fell asleep I texted Tarrow.

  Did you get home safe?

  Yes.

  Going to sleep now.

  Goodnight, love. Tomorrow.

  Tomorrow.

  See? I could improve.

  Tarrow

  “You’re not going to tell me where you’re taking her?”

  I didn’t answer.

  “Okay, don’t tell your lonely old mother. That’s fine.”

  She wasn’t funny.

  “I’ll just stay here alone and wonder if you’re okay.”

  I turned around with my bag in my hand. “I think I’ll be okay, Mom.”

  “I was just kidding.” She pretend pouted.

  “I know. I decided what I’m giving her for our mating gift.”

  “Did you? Are you going to tell me that?”

  I whispered the secret in her ear even though there was no one around to hear it.

  She clapped and with glee said, “It cannot be bought or sold for it has no value except to your mate! Good choice!”

  “I have to go get her. Call me if you need anything.”

  She waved me away. “If I need anything, I’ll call Angel or the Alpha. I won’t be disturbing you tonight. I still remember my marking night. It wasn’t that long ago.”

  There was just so much I wanted my mom and I to share and it showed in my face.

  “Okay. Okay. I’ll keep those memories to myself. Go on, have fun!”

  I didn’t know anything about fun at that point. My hands were shaking so badly, I could barely steer the car. But I knew that would all end once she was with me. If I could just allow my beast to take over, he would do what we needed.

  He would do what she needed.

  I got to the house and even with my mate inside, didn’t know how to proceed. But I figured her father needed to know that I wasn’t giving up. I wouldn’t stand down from what I knew to be the right thing to do.

  I knocked on the door and prepared myself for the onslaught.

  “Tarrow. Come in. Dahlia is late again. But I’m sure you’ve gotten used to that by now.”

  “I have. It’s fine. It really doesn’t bother me.”

  “That’s good. The Creator evidently knows what he’s doing with you two.”

  “He does.”

  “Take a seat. I was just going to get a cup of coffee. I’m about to drop.”

  “Sit. Let me.”

  After some further coercion, the worn woman sat down and managed her coffee fixings from her perch. I followed her directions and then brought it to her.

  “You follow the old ways. I hadn’t expected that.”

  “Hawke is restoring the old ways. Anyway, it’s how my father treated my mother. I couldn’t let him down, even if he’s not here to see it.”

  She nodded and closed her eyes as the first sip of coffee seeped in.

  “I’m ready. And only ten minutes late. There’s hope for me after all.”

  My mate was beautiful no matter the scenario, but her hair was up in some wild knot with tendrils hanging loose here and there and it took my breath.

  “You forgot your shoes.” I chuckled, pointing at her feet.

  “Ah, damn it.”

  She hustled back upstairs, but was back down in minutes.

  “Thirteen minutes. Still a record.”

  We said our goodbyes and then got into the car. It was only after I saw her carrying a bag that I knew it was all real. I’d have her for a night. All mine. And I was all hers.

  Marking your mate was almost a pre-honeymoon. It was almost as intimate. Almost as bonding.

  And everyone knew about it afterwards.

  You didn’t just wear your actions on your face, you actually wore it on your body.

  And when she ran with the clan from then on, the world would know that she was mine.

  Totally worth the trouble.

  She got into the car and I shut the door behind her, taking some deep breaths as I crossed in front of the car. This wasn’t just a big deal—this was one of two very big deals with your mate.

  For the entire ride to the place I’d rented for the night, she stared out the window, her forehead plastered to the glass like it was her mate instead of me. Her arms were crossed over her chest and her breaths were nothing short of heaving.

  “Am I being selfish?”

  She asked, her breaths fogging up a circle on the window.

  “Not selfish. Just changing your priorities.”

  It took everything in me not to pull over and ask her if she was sure.

  In my gut, I knew she was sure.

  The animalistic sides of us were dead serious about it.

  “I guess so.”

  “We don’t have to do this tonight. You’ve obviously changed your mind.”

  Her posture jerked and she turned to face me. “No. I haven’t changed my mind. I’m going to spend a lifetime apologizing and backtracking in this relationship. I just know it.”

  “You’re distracted. I get it. I’m giving you an out. Because once I’m marked, there won’t be an out—or not much of a space for one.”

  She took my hand in hers and I gasped at the connection. There wouldn’t be a time when my mate didn’t surprise me.

  “New deal. I promise to have a one-track mind for the rest of the night and tomorrow morning if you can forgive me for my spaciness until everything with my dad is settled.”

  I pulled our hands linked together to my mouth and kissed her wrist. “There’s nothing to forgive. I’m just as concerned as you are. I just hide it better. And your one-track mind sounds perfect to me.”

  “Good. Now where are we going?”

  The glint in her eyes told me she was mine again, maybe a little distracted, but mine mostly.

  “I’m taking you to dinner somewhere special and then I rented a place outside of town—near the river.”

  “I couldn’t eat a thing, I’m too nervous. Even this is only settling me a little.”

  She gestured to our entwined hands.

  “We can go to the house first. It’s up to you.”

  “Yes, please. I just want to be with you and forget the world.”

  I nodded. “I think I can handle that.”

  “I don’t know what I’m doing.” She finally claimed, throwing her hands in the air and for the first time since we’d reached the cabin, stopped pacing like a panther.

  “
Of course you don’t. I hope you don’t.”

  “I’ve only ever kissed one other guy besides you. And he certainly wasn’t looking for me to bite him on his…”

  I made no attempt to hide my smile. “His what? Come on give me some clue.”

  She froze in front of me. “You’re enjoying this? You are, aren’t you?”

  I took her waist in my hands the way I had when we’d first met and dragged her hips against mine. “I’m not enjoying seeing you like this—no. Am I enjoying having my female to myself? Absolutely.”

  Circumventing her mouth, I brushed my lips on her neck, just under her soft earlobe. It ended her ranting and raving and in their place blossomed her growing love.

  “I can’t think when you do that.” She choked on the words.

  “That’s the problem. You’re thinking about this too much. Let nature take its course. We were made for this. We were made for each other.”

  Her breath hitched as I moved further down, across her collar bone.

  “Your hip.” She croaked out. I’d heard her loud and clear, but I wanted to hear it again.

  Plus, I loved to torture her.

  “What?”

  “Your hip. She chose your hip”

  Skittering my lips north, they landed on her ear so I could make her shiver. “You chose my hip, love. Say it.”

  She shook her head.

  “Say the words, Dahlia. There’s no embarrassment here. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s just you and me.”

  Squaring off her shoulders, she gathered her bravery. Her walls reinforced themselves.

  “I chose your hip. The second time we shifted together. That’s where I want your mark. And that’s where I want you to bite me.’

  A little nudge and my girl flipped her courage on like a switch.

  “It’s your call. You tell me when you’re ready. I feel like I’ve been ready for years, but it’s your choice, love.”

  “Are you just saying that or do you mean it?”

  I knew that calling her love would become an issue sooner or later. I wanted it to become an issue. I wanted her to ask.

  Creator above, let her ask the question.

  “Do I mean what?”

  “You call me love. You can’t love me already. You don’t even know me.”

  A laugh rumbled through me. I knew her. She just didn’t know it.

  “I know you. I know that only a female of worth cares about her family as much as you do. I know that you treat my mother with the utmost respect. I know that your sisters look up to you and your father is hesitant to let his little girl go. All of those things make me know you. I might not know the little things, but I know you. I know your soul. And that’s enough for now. It’s enough to know that I love you and I’m not afraid to say it.”